i had a dream that i was walking along what was now (at almost midnight) an abandoned path. there wasn’t much to see other than the occasional tree and still dead grass from the awful winter. and in the distance i saw a girl, shadowed in the dark by one of the few trees. She was leaning forward, moving quickly, almost as digging, or trying to find something.
as i got close i realized she was digging at what looked like a mound. she was scraping from the top, but instead of throwing the pieces in one pile behind her, she was making multiple piles, piles that looked of different shapes and colors. as i came even closer, she looked up at me, and i saw my own eyes in hers. she was crying, she was exhausted, she was trying to hard to FIND something, i just knew it.
i saw another shovel on the opposite side of the mound and i thought to myself “that one is for you”, so i walked over and picked it up, wondering if i would even be of any help, seeing as how particular this girl was being about her sorting. she looked up with what i could have swore was a smirk, and said “once you start, you will understand”. by the time my shovel made contact with this mysterious mound i was overcome with a feeling of sadness, i felt heavy and rushed. “but don’t dismember the pieces of me”, i heard in my head. that’s when i knew, there was someone under there.
i began digging and sorting, as if i had been doing it for hours, days even. as the mound grew smaller the girl on the other side was becoming more and more visible to me, our similarities were undeniable, her expressions were being made on her face as well as my own. we were not only sharing this struggle for the unknown “girl under the mound”, we were sharing a body, a face, a mind. we continued digging.
by the time the mound was close to nonexistent, the sun began to rise. we were sweaty and tired. but we knew this was just the beginning. the dig into the surface was much different than that of the removal of the mound, here we began to share with each other bits of pieces of ourselves. though no words were muttered. we learned about each others lives, and saw that they, like our appearance were quite similar. we shared the same stories, but in different perspectives. by the time the sun had fully risen i went in for what i was hoping would be that last push into the earth, the girl from the path stopped me.
i looked down and saw her there, me there, us there. laying under what had been inches upon inches of dirt, sadness and filth. she was smiling, and reached for our hands. and as we helped her out of the layers of ground that had been her grave, we embraced her. i began sharing my feelings of hope and satisfaction, that we were able to help this girl and she stopped me. “you were only helping yourself”. they both looked at me and took me to the piles we had separated so perfectly.
the girl from the ground pointed to the first pile, this one dark blue and full of sharp edges, she explained as “the pile of your mistakes, your regrets” she pointed the pile full of red almost bubble shaped pieces and explained it as “the pile of missed opportunity”. as we made our away around the piles, the girl i met on the path began to fade, she was smiling and the girl from the ground squeezed my hand, as if to tell me that it was okay. the girl from the ground continued to introduce me to the piles that were explained as “guilt”, lost friendships”, “fears”, and on and on she went. she too, began to fade, into the morning sun it seemed. the rays of lights were bursting through her hair, her chest. i began to worry about her and the girl from the path.
she took my face in her hands and gave me that smirk, my smirk.. “you are free now” she whispered to me
“these piles are all pieces of you, they will never go away, but you are no longer buried underneath them, they no longer hold you down.”
“but who are you?”, i asked the now transparent girl from the ground.
“i am the piece of you that gave up, the girl from the path is the piece of you that finally decided to start fighting, and you, you are just your own mind, joining in on the journey.”